Showing posts with label #support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #support. Show all posts

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

A Mommy Minute

Synonyms for Mother: Parent, Source, Attend, Nurse, Nurture, Protect, Provide for, Accommodate, Nourish, Oblige, Raise, Rear, Shelter, Sustain.

Being a mother is all encompassing. We can feel lost and found, overwhelmed and pulled together, all at the same time. Some days are easier and better than others. At FITMOM, we encourage our mothers to take the road of motherhood one day at a time. Yet, we know that sometimes, even one day at a time can be hard. So, if and when you are feeling overwhelmed, here are ten sanity savers. Pick one and try it for 1 minute to help you get grounded.
Meditate:  This is not a word that we should be afraid of. People who practice meditation are engaged in thoughtless awareness and are present in the moment. If meditation is new to you, try a mantra instead. We like "This too shall pass" or "I can handle this". Repeat these words for one minute.
Self-massage with a tennis ball: Use a tennis ball to apply pressure to any areas of your body that need a little TLC. Roll the ball on your legs, in between your shoulder blades or on the bottom of your feet. Repeat for one minute. 
Engage in a venting session: Call a friend on the phone and engage in a one minute vent session. Be prepared to reciprocate the next time she needs to unload her concerns and frustrations. 
Dance party: What's your guilty pleasure song? Put it on, turn up the volume and dance like no one (except maybe your baby), is watching. Repeat for as many one minute segments as you need. We had a dance party while we wrote this list!
Laughing: A good hearty laugh is a wonderful release of tension. Check out this guy... if you are not laughing now, then watch it again! It only takes about one minute.
Hug someone: Hugs release oxytocin, the hormone of love. A good hug can help you feel calm and connected, especially if you are getting a hug from someone you love, like your baby, child or partner. Stay in the hug for one minute and notice how you feel afterwards. 
Enjoy a stretch: Tight chest muscles are a common complaint amongst new moms. Start with a few shoulder rolls and then stand with your right hip against a wall and stretch your arm behind you. Pair this stretch with some deep breathing and feel your chest muscles release. Hold for 30 seconds and then repeat on the other side, for a total of one minute.
Focus on breathing: Deep breathing helps to calm and relax your central nervous system (fight or flight response). Tension and anxiety is released on the exhale. Breathe in through your nose and imagine your belly as a water pitcher. Fill it will air from the bottom to the top. Exhale with a sigh as you slowly empty your pitcher. Do this for one minute.
Self affirmation: Tell yourself that you are are great. Tell yourself that you are doing a great job. Say it loud and say it proud for one minute! We think this young lady does it well
Gratitude: Be thankful. Gratitude allows you to adjust your focus. Instead of focusing on what you're lacking, shift your focus to embrace all that you have for one minute. Gratitude helps to put thing into perspective. Count your blessings, you have many.

Thursday, 9 October 2014

Mothering the Mother 101: FITMOM's Best Practices when Visiting a Mom with a New Baby

There's nothing like the birth of a new baby: little fingers, tiny toes and the insanely addictive smell of a newborn. Well intending family members, friends and colleagues will jump at the chance to visit and meet your new bundle of joy.

In the early days and weeks after birth (even an uncomplicated, vaginal birth), a new mom is running on fumes and adrenaline. For many, the very act of sitting can be painful and uncomfortable for a few weeks. All women experience some swelling and discomfort following a vaginal birth, especially if she's recovering from an episiotomy or an assisted birth (vacuum or forceps). A once routine visit to the washroom to pee can be a major event. Add in some swollen and tender breasts (as she tries to learn to breastfeed) and sleep deprivation, receiving visitors can easily put her over the edge.

New mom care is essential to newborn care. How we care for a new mom in the early days can impact the short and long term health of both the mother & baby, the health of other children and the health of our community overall.

At FITMOM, we really love and appreciate the approach and care of new moms in the Asian culture, where new moms are cared for by others for 30 days after they have given birth. Others in her community will manage the daily chores, including cooking, cleaning and caring for older children, during this time, allowing her to rest and nourish herself and her baby without having to worry about the burden of a daily routine. Unfortunately, this communal child rearing philosophy has been almost completely abandoned in North American culture and has been replaced with the "taking care of me" philosophy, leaving new moms often alone and isolated.

So, using this philosophy, here are FITMOM's best practices for family and friends who are interested in visiting you and your new bundle in the early days and weeks:

  1. A new mother should never be expected to entertain you. She should not be making tea, offering a drink or making you a meal. For many new moms, hosting of any kind may be too much. Instead, message her and offer meals that you can drop off. Better yet, just drop off a meal and let her know it's at the door (do not stay unless asked!). You can also offer to run errands for her, cook a meal, clean her house, do her laundry or take the baby for a walk so she can have a nap.
  2. A new mom may not have the energy to hold a conversation, make small talk, hear about your day or just "shoot the shit". Small talk, even with a BFF, can be incredibly draining in the early days. A new mom should not have to "be polite" because you are in her space, needing to engage.
  3. A new mother should never have to answer the door to an unannounced, drop by visitor. EVER. If you are given the green light to visit, please refrain from bringing strangers, acquaintances or anyone else with you that she barely knows. Her nipples may be bleeding and sore and she just needs a safe space to figure it all out.
  4. Please do not show up to visit with other friends or children in tow unless SHE REQUESTS THIS.
  5. Do not offer unsolicited advice. Offer support and help instead.
  6. A new mom should never have to receive unsolicited comments about her baby's feeding schedule, including how much the baby's eating and how often. If she's already worried about this, asking will make her feel worse. 
  7. Please return the baby to her mother as soon as you are asked. If a baby is crying or distressed, she can easily be calmed by her mother. It often stresses both mom and baby to be separated. Let the new parents figure out what their baby's cries mean.

Other ways you can offer support:

  • Providing childcare for older children
  • Doing laundry
  • Helping with chores around the house
  • Rocking or holding baby, if requested
  • Walking the dog
  • Changing bedding
  • Shopping for groceries
  • Listening 
  • Letting mom cry
  • Listening some more
  • Asking mom what she needs
These tips will go a long way in helping to ensure that a new mom and her baby are off to the best start possible.
My first few moments as a brand new mom